A fellow with a 93% match percentage on OkCupid sent me a message last night. It was harmless enough, but my answer clearly upset him. Minutes after receiving my reply, he took down his profile (or possibly blocked me, I’m not sure how that works).
His question was this:
Hi, I’m glad you sent me a message, but upon reading a bit further through your profile than I was able to using quick match, I don’t think we’d be very compatible.
In response to your question of why it’s “easier” for women, the answer is somewhat complicated. For starters, it’s a matter of perceived risk. A guy’s worst imagined scenario for matching with the wrong person is finding out the other person is unattractive in real life. In contrast, a girl’s worst imagined scenario is that she’ll end up drugged and raped by a serial criminal. Women are socialized to be a lot more selective and careful with how much we share online. Simply posting a photo of our face can be dangerous, let alone our bodies. Guys, on the other hand, feel safer looking for romance online. They face fewer, less serious risks and when it comes to photos, are not told repeatedly that their appearance is to blame for their own harassment and assault. Since men feel safer, there are more of them willing to put themselves out there.
Because there are so many more guys online, women have a perceived advantage of choice. We can be more particular and choosy because there are more options. Anonymous guys with low match percentage flood our inboxes with one-word messages. We use stricter filters to keep this problem at bay. We stop filling out our profiles because it seems like nobody reads them anyway. We hide our answers because creeps will bring up sexual preferences in chat that are really nobody’s business until at least the third date (yes, ALL of these things have happened to me and every woman I know). In spite of all of this, there are still guys who don’t understand any of it and make stupid demands about how much of our body or face they can see in a photo.
Dude, it may seem “easier” but trust me, it’s not. I’d trade this “advantage” any day for half of the advantages dudes have in every other aspect of life.
Thanks again, but I don’t think you and I would get along at all.